27. I Heal My Own Body ： Nourishing the Mind

Poet Kim Sang-yong’s verse, “I will open a window to the south,” ends with the line, “Why do I live? I simply smile.”
But I have long lived with the burden of that question: “Why do I live?”

During my internship in a geriatric ward, I was deeply shocked as I witnessed the deaths of patients with whom I had developed bonds.
I felt that unless I could define life and death for myself, I would not be able to care for patients sincerely.

So, I dove into deep study—comparing the Bible, the Diamond Sutra, and the Tao Te Ching—and at the same time, I dedicated myself to meditation and breathing-centered energy training.

Eventually, I came to my own understanding through contemplation and comparison of sacred texts.
I remember closing the pages of the Huangdi Neijing, the Bible of Chinese medicine, saying to myself,
“I will no longer be entangled in theory.”

Afterward, through sustained meditation, there came one morning when I was able to shed my selfish, duty-weary self and became a peaceful, compassionate energy being, unified with the vast universe.
Of course, I would return to being my flawed, selfish self in the everyday world.
But what had changed was that I could now observe that flawed self from a distance.

In Winnipeg—a city where white and green each dominate for six months—I once again refine my understanding of truth:
“Life and death are illusions. The material world is merely a cycle of gathering and dispersing.
Therefore, don’t cling too tightly to the material.
What matters most is to strive, through this life’s training, to become a better spiritual being.”

One of my favorite lines from the Huangdi Neijing is:
“When the mind is tranquil and desireless, true energy follows.
When spirit is guarded within, how can illness arise?”

Dr. Jin-man Kim, director of Peace Oriental Clinic